My Story

I used to consider myself strong and independent. The romantic relationships of my youth were never overly dramatic and pretty respectful on both parts, but it only takes one to completely flip your life upside down.

I met my ex at 24 and I spent 17 years constantly in and out of a relationship with someone who I allowed to break me. I heard multiple times a day about everything that was wrong with me, that I was mentally unwell, that Children’s Aid would come and take the kids if we broke up. Never in my life had anyone thought I belonged in an institution or that I was an unfit mother, but I was told that I shouldn’t talk to my friends and family because they don’t know me like he does and they will fill my head with nonsense. When we had serious financial struggles he claimed that he couldn’t work because he had to be there for the kids, meanwhile the kids were in school and daycare while I worked! I kept leaving because I knew it wasn’t right, and I wish I could explain why I always went back. I think it’s because when you’re with someone like that you lose your sense of self and you desperately want their approval, so after a breakup you hear all the things you were desperate for. You don’t talk to anyone about what’s going on so your world gets gradually smaller and smaller and you start to think that this is normal because you are breathing it in every day. Maybe you’re being physically intimidated, but he’s not actually hitting you, so is there really anything wrong? You’re told it’s all in your head and thinking like this is proof that you’re not mentally well.

I made the awful mistake of trying to stay together for the kids. It took me so long to realise all the damage that was being done to them by being exposed to this toxicity. My ex worked on our oldest son for years filling his head with absurd things, but because it was coming from his dad he believed it. He started to see me through the twisted filter from his dad and now that he has isolated our oldest, he is doing the same psychological manipulation to our son that he did to me. Our beautiful 18 year old has announced that he is cutting off all communication with myself and our family and being encouraged to make poor decisions that will affect his life for years to come. I will do anything I can to help other people never go through something like this, or to get out earlier if you find you are already there.

In early 2021 I set a firm no communication boundary with my ex-husband, no longer allowing him access to my heart and my head, and it’s amazing how much better life is across the board. It’s been a lot of therapy, a lot of learning, healing, soul searching, communicating and rebuilding, and all so worth the hard work. My life isn’t perfect, it’s happy, sad, good, bad, stressful, messy, wonderful, and MINE. I look forward to learning and sharing this journey with you, thank you for being here.